April 6th and 7th

Dear Blog,

Thoughts from the past 2 days revolve around action plans.  First, in a discussion with STK, he mentioned the idea of a Work Break down System.  In some ways this is a flow chart, a visual chain taking great overarching goals/projects, and stepping down task by task until the most basic unit of organization (in this case a single action like get paper and pencil or turn on the computer) is isolated.

Secondly, this evening speaking with L. M. the message was echoed, and I find this not at all a coincidence, but rather the universe communicating.  L. M. mentioned the book I believe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done

but what was important in our conversation was about listening to that inner voice that directs us to what we want, and know doing will make us happy.  And, not just knowing it vaguely, but rather being able to put it into specific, action oriented sentences -so that we can do something.

I guess this made so much sense to me because I know exactly what I want in life, but I don't know if or how I can get it.  I know my focus should be on getting drawings, and paintings done, but I have been distracted.

Before I explain, let me just mention that a large wallspace near Lake and Lyndale in Minneapolis is available for a mural!  That just may be a place where I can paint!!!  Will update again when there's more info!

OK, why have I been so distracted?  I've been thinking about her, the one, my home.  Perhaps everyone experiences being obsessed, infatuated, and also in love with another person.  Adding technology makes it interesting...why didn't she text back?  Did she see my facebook posting?  etc.

Been so totally overwhelmed by these thoughts, plus a whole lotta internal "I told ya so's" that I have not been able to love and care for myself.  I have been in this place before.  I didn't want to repeat the same mistakes, I wanted to give time, space, and geniune care so that the seeds of friendship could blossom into the flowers of love.  I thought the universe would help.  At this time, it's too early to know the outcome.  I am greatly concerned that it will result in being hurt again, either rejected or ignored.

The logical side of my brain points out there are so many excellent amazing women out there, to never forget being open to that.  The emotional part of my heart grieves.  For being so hopeful over something I should have been more guarded about, or more reasonable about.  Knowing that each person becomes ready at a different time gives me comfort, and that I have not lost my dignity in the same manner as last year does as well.  I feel emotionally spent, and maybe that's best, having talked it out so many times, written about it, prayed about it.

I can move forward now, I can refocus.  But, I will never give up hope.
Amen to the brothers and sisters of the graffiti alliance, keep striving for style and excellence, and keep loving, until tmrrw y'all
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